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Paralyzed by Indecisiveness

January 6, 2017

Have you ever experienced not being able to decide around something? I have experienced this personally and most of my coaching clients have also had this experience. I am not sure if this is a good think or not. However, it can lead to many sleepless nights, stress and anxiety.   It could also mean that you are looking at moving forward, to make changes. To start to live a more fulfilling life. Most of us are motivated by pain.  There are four stages that we go through in life. These are struggle, stability, success and contribution. Stability is the worst stage to be in. This stage is where you just put up with things, you don’t experience pain, however you also do not experience pleasure. You just go through the motions every day.  You seem just to be numbed out, doing the same thing day after day.  Struggle makes you feel uncomfortable, it creates pain, however it will move you out of this stage. The question is how much pain do you need to experience before you take a chance? Success is the taste of excitement, achievement and motivation.  Contribution is being able to make a difference in the world, being on purpose.

Sometimes you may need to take time out to really think about what is important to you, how it will impact your goals, and how it supports you in becoming the person that you strive to be like. This is part of personal awareness and living your life with integrity and on purpose. Let’s explore values firstly.

Values – Are the Motivators

A person’s values answer the question “What’s important to me?” Our values are the deep-seated pervasive standards that influence almost every aspect of our lives: our moral judgments, our responses to others, our commitments to personal and work l goals. We all have belief systems we live by. Our beliefs and value systems are deeply connected. We are motivated and make decisions based on these belief systems and values. Often these values are unconscious.

Vales are motivators, that drive you to keep on going. You know that you can’t succeed until you fail first. Therefore, you have to understand what are your values.

Alignment of Values to Goals

Goals are your tasks or actions that fulfill your values. For example, someone may have a value of Freedom. Then they need to act to fulfill this value. The actions that they take are all relevant to the individual. For example, if you were looking for Freedom from Debt – Then you would look at setting some actions around budgeting and monitoring your spending, or investment strategies. Then the actions would change if you were looking for Freedom from feeling trapped in a relationship that may not support you. The actions could be to get the courage up to leave the relationship.

I hear a lot from new clients that they “just want to be happy:”.  However, they do not have any awareness of the goals that will fulfill this value of happiness or they cannot put it into context. You cannot fulfill your values without goal alignment.   I work with you to explore this at a deeper level, to start to tap into your unconscious to gain more personal insights.

Asking yourself Powerful Questions

Once you understand your values and goals than it is important to check in to ensure that your decisions are aligned with your values and goals. I do not really believe in affirmations; however, I do believe in having powerful personal questions or statements. For an example when I am feeling indecisive or feeling confused I ask myself the following, “Is what I am doing right now helping me to achieve my goals?”, or  “What actions do I need to do now to achieve my goals?”,  the other question I ask myself is “ Is this goal aligned with my values and the person who I want to become?”, and the third question I ask myself is “How does this goal impact my colleagues and family members, and do I need to do things differently”? Of course, all this comes from having personal awareness and emotional intelligence.

Stay Connected with your Decisions – However stay flexible with your Approach

Now it is time to look at being able to achieve your goals through different approaches. Brian Storming is a good way of getting all the ideas out of your head onto paper. Once you do this than you can start to explore the pros and cons and break down the ideas into small steps. This than removes the feeling of overwhelm, assisting you with more clarity.

Therefore, just to put into summary:

  1. Know your values and what they mean to you (personal awareness is essential)
  2. Align your goals with your values
  3. Ask yourself powerful questions ensuring that the actions you are taking are contributing to your goals and values
  4. Have flexibility in how you approach your goals

I hope you have found this information useful. If you are looking at personal development coaching than give us a call to discuss our personal development packages.

Take care Lee – Be your Best

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