Category Archives for "conflict"

 Would you like to get the Hook out to Remove the Think I know it all from their audience?

Tried of listening to their generalizations, distortions, and deletion; when trying to gain appreciation?

Meeting the - Think I Know it All

I love watching old movies, perhaps I am a romantic at heart. When I am confronted with the Think, I Know it all Personality type, who simply generalizes, distorts and deletes information; I think of the movie picture days, when someone wasn’t performing well, the hook would come out and drag them off stage.

The Think I know it all personality type, knows enough to fool people who are not familiar with the subject, however they can’t fool those who know that they are simply wanting to gain appreciation.

Having compassion and patience are two important traits, required when handling the think, I know it all personality type. I see them as the cartoon on stage, trying so hard to gain appreciation and significance from others; once again doing their performance.

When they are not getting the attention; that they desire, then they will keep on trying until they receive it. Often pushing themselves into your conversation, without being invited, putting across their point of view assertively with complete confidence.

They have a strong people focus, after all this is where they gain attention. At first their misinformation can be fun to listen to; however, you do start to stop listening, as they continually strive to be in the limelight. It becomes too much and overbearing.

Eventually the Think I know all loses credibility, respect and people start to avoid them. Their attention seeking behavior pushes you away.  Often you will hear words like “Don’t encourage her/him, we could be here forever”. This subtle message is often overlooked by the Think I know it all. Sometimes we must be more direct.

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When Grenade's Pin is Pulled – Do you Hide and Duck for Cover?

Or do you come home at night, wanting to relax , And yes you are greeted by the Grenade's explosion?

Meeting the Grenade

You come home from a hard days work, seeking just to relax,  and take a few minutes to change gears, then you are confronted with the Grenade. Mary explodes:

"Really you come home and you simply switch on the TV?", Ï have been working all day as well, and you really need to pick up some of the slack at home, "And it looks like I am the only one who sees the trash bin overflowing", "Little Jimmy has been sick, I am trying to handle him, make dinner, and all you do is switch on the TV", "I feel that you simply don't care about me, after all I am not your slave!

Does this sound familiar ? 

The Grenade is simply after appreciation. When they do not gain attention, then they will demand attention, and when they don't get it, they blow up  whilst completely losing emotional control.

It is the adult temper tantrum. Some people hold onto resentment for years, then explode, whilst overs pull the pin daily. 

All you have to do is to say something at the wrong time, or it can be things that you haven't said, perhaps your tonality or the way you make a facial expression. At this point anything you say or do will make the situation worse. 

It can be humiliating for the grenade, when they realize what they have done. Often Grenades will leave the crime scene as soon as they have finished exploding. This is a self-hatred cycle that they continually find themselves in, with no control.​

When Dealing with a Grenade

• Break the Cycle - Stop Blaming them for what they are blaming themselves for
• Forgive them for their moments of insanity
• Take Deep Breaths to release the intense impact from the Grenade
• Writing out an angry letter to self - Then burn it ( make sure you don't show it to the Grenade)
• View the Grenade as a small wind up toy - jumping around trying to gain attention ( like a cartoon)

When confronted by the Know It All – Do you try to outsmart them?

Or do you become a Know It All Yourself.? Tying to Outsmart them?

Wanting to prove that you are right and they are wrong?

Meeting the Know It All

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I was chatting to one of my students who attended one of  my  Leadership courses. You see she was being micromanaged and it was driving her crazy. She confided in me that when it came to performance reviews that she had always gained great feedback and was very competent in her work. This seemed a bit of a puzzle to her. However, it was something that she simply didn’t want to put up with anymore.

I mentioned to her, perhaps her manager was a Know IT All – who needs to always be in control. Which lead me to this story; and  how we can approach situations differently.

There was this martial artist who wanted to master his art. Not just practice it – to make the invisible become visible – His trainer was always correcting him and watching him closely ensuring that any mistakes that were made, didn’t go without correction. The Martial Artist would take on-board the correction eagerly as he wanted to master the art. His teacher was harder on him and expected more from him, then the rest of the students.

This Martial Artist worked as a carpenter and his site manager was a Know It all – Always micromanaging him, giving him pointers, never allowing him to think for himself. This really started to frustrate the martial artist, and he started to get a stomach ulcer from the stress.

Then one day, he got it. He was doing some reflective thinking doing his training, as to why can his martial arts teacher correct him, and that was okay, yet really the same thing was happening with his site Foreman at work and this frustrated him.

Perhaps it was because he respected his martial arts teacher, and his ego was getting in the way with the site foreman. So he decided to duplicate the way he handled his teacher, and when the foreman came to correct him, he simply turned around and said show me.

He decided to turn these instances into learning opportunities. He would simply turn around and say to the Foreman, saying - I want to Learn, show me – Now this completely surprised the Foreman as he never expected this response.

In time the Foreman lightened up on him, and even though they never became best friends, the relationship become friendlier. The Martial Artist learned some new techniques in how to approach the Foreman, and once he changed his attitude to  be a learning opportunity things started to change. His ulcer disappeared, and he no longer experiences the stress levels.

What are the signs of a Know It All ?

Rigid Mindset, Don’t Yield, Like to be right, hate correction, Perfectionist, Controlling, Knowledgeable, Outspoken, Like things done in their way, Challenged by new ideas and concepts, Being wrong is humiliation, Dominate and can use manipulation -  they like to noticed for their brilliance

When Dealing with a Know It All

• remain patient
• flexible and very clever in the way that you present your ideas.
•  Remember that your leadership and personal growth comes from adversity.
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Have you ever been caught off guard by a remark, or been made to look foolish in front of others?

Perhaps when you are making an important presentation?

Then you have just experienced sniping?

This article  is part of my series around handling difficult personality types. Today I am focusing on the person who throws out one liners to caught you off guard, trying to discredit you in front of others – known as the sniper

When the sniper is threatened, they hide behind rude remarks, sarcastic humor, with a biting tonality to their words. They often demonstrate nonverbal signs of communication by rolling their eyes when you are putting forward a point of view.

What motivates the sniper’s behavior?

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Now there are several motivators, which include holding grudges, angry around a missed opportunity, threatened that you may excel in your role and that you may gain more attention then themselves.  Some snipers who are termed friendly snipers -just want to gain attention and this is a behavioral tract of theirs.

Meeting the Sniper

I remember my first workshop that I facilitated for a company as a contractor. It was my first day working with start-up business owners.  I was very familiar with the content; however, I was still learning the policies and procedures of the company.  Seated at the back of the room was my immediate manager, so I am a bit nervous; however, I was able to control my nerves and once I started the training, I was feeling confident.

I was questioned by some of the students if they could come directly to me if they had any issues . Of course i said confidently, after all what else was I supposed to say.?

All of a sudden I hear “No that is not correct” , “They all have to go through me or the state manager “to find out that information. You need to ensure your information is correct.

Yes that is how my immediate manager handled the situation. She turned out to be a sniper, threatened by me, and unable to adapt to change within the company.  I was in the wrong place , at the wrong time. 

 Her remark had come from the back of the room; completely throwing me  off guard. I felt foolish and incompetent at the time.  The sniper fires off the shot and disarms you in front of people, leaving them in control.

I was confused as to what was behind this type of attack. Was it the fact that the company brought in a trainer, instead of her doing all the training? Did she feel threatened by me?

I" What have I gotten myself into?" This was the first time that I had ever been treated so poorly, humiliated and put into my place in front of all the students.  I stayed in the company for the six month contract, then voted with my feet. 

Do you try to Counterattack Conflict with Bursts of Anger?

Or Perhaps simply wanting to shut down wishing you were invisible?

Losing Confidence trying to Defend yourself?

Waking up everyday dreading going to work?

Welcome to my series of articles and videos for Handling Difficult People. This information is based on the book ‘Dealing with Difficult People you Can’t Stand” by Dr. Rick Brinkman and Dr. Rick Kirshner.

There are 10 difficult people personality types in this series. These are the Tank, The Sniper, The Know it all, The Think I know it all, The Yes person, The Nothing person, The Grenade, the No Person, The Maybe Person and the Whinner.

In this article I will be taking you through a 5-step plan to use when you are under attack by the Tank.

“I see so many people struggling with Conflict in the workplace today”. Having to deal with different personality types is a skill that is learnt through experience.  I know how it feels, I used to suffer the same thing when I first left school and started by first job as a data entry operator.

I had absolutely, no clue in working with people. You see conflict, relationships and handling finances; simply were not taught as I progressed through the years of schooling, preparing me for the real world. I was busy at school learning how to count to 10 in German and how to sew and cook.   What great waste of time, don’t you think?

Meeting the Tank

I remember meeting Joe who was a fellow working colleague in the data entry department.  Now I had heard a few stories from others about Joe, and he was a person that you knew not ‘to mess with’.  On my second day, I found myself staring down a loaded cannon, right in my face.  Yes, Joe had found me, and his sights were aimed, Ready, Steady, Fire.

Joe informed, in no uncertain terms, that I was not to speak to the office manager. We had a co-working small office; and the manager oversaw the building. Eyes bulging and voice raised, I was put into my place. How dare you speak to the office manager, that is my role, and all communication will come through me, Joe screamed. If you can’t follow instructions, then maybe this job is not for you, after all there are plenty of others who would jump at this job.

I could feel the eyes of the other co-workers focused on this humiliating screen. Joe really wanted to ensure I knew my place straight away.  I was certainly in shock and at that moment was completely lost for words. Then Joe backed away and it was over within a few seconds.

But here’s what I learnt about overcoming this type of behavior, and I wanted to share my thoughts with you. Having over 30 years of work experience, with 18 years working in my own business as a trainer and coach, my confidence and skills have certainly developed since my first job.

You Decide that its time to Become more Assertive  - Here is  your 5 Step Action Plan

If you Commit - Do not Withdraw

Any attempt to attack or withdraw from the tank will not work for you. Instead, you must restrain these tendencies, and stand your ground. Having this strength of character to stand your ground, will influence the Tank’s perspective of you. Through Diversity your character is tested to its limits, and this will influence the Tank’s future behavior towards you.

Having a plan and preparation is a crucial part of success. The boy scout motto is “Be prepared”, the business motto is “Fail to Plan, then Plan to Fail”. The Action Plan below will give you some direction of  how to you handle the Tank, and command respect, by taking action.